TAG! // Makeup Explained by the Boyfriend


My boyfriend is a good sport. When we started dating, I didn’t wear any makeup at all, and I only really started about four years after we started dating. He spent so long seeing me bare-faced that he honestly prefers it that way and struggles to understand why I use any at all now, but he accepts that it’s a hobby… He only notices makeup from other people though when it is obvious, so he has some bad ideas about what makeup is or does- so he thinks his responses are hilarious, but I can’t help but roll my eyes a bit.

  • Primer: Stuff you put on a wall before you paint (he starts laughing)
  • Foundation: (Me, prompting: “Actually try, honey”) Stuff you put on before you paint.
  • BB Cream: (He shakes his head) Some cream that you don’t actually need for anything.
  • Concealer: A way to hide your nasty face (I think he’s confusing concealer and foundation).
  • Blush: Rosacea wannabe, or a way to liven up a corpse (partially my fault, as I say often I hardly use blush because of my redness)
  • Contour: Making lines where lines don’t exist.
  • Highlighter: Making highlights exist where they didn’t previously exist? Or, giving brunettes a little bit of the fun they’ve always wanted (clearly he is talking about hair here- giving brunettes some blonde, as blondes have more fun).
  • Bronzer: Giving pasty people a fake tan.
  • Brow gel, pencils, or powder: Ways to re-draw your eyebrows after you shave them off.
  • Eyelid Primer: Stuff you put on your eyelids before you pain
  • Eyeshadow: Instant raccoon in a tub.
  • Eyeliner: Instant raccoon in a tub, part two.
  • Mascara: How to make girls with short lashes think they have long lashes.
  • Lip Gloss: Shiny shit? Substitute for chapstick.
  • Lipstick: Sticky shit you put on your lips. Not a substitute for chapstick:
  • Powder: Stuff meant for baby bottoms.
  • Setting Spray: Fancy name for hairspray (gosh I hope nobody uses hairspray to set their makeup!)

It’s so funny to me what he thinks, as it’s so heavily influences by the fact that nobody in his life really uses makeup extremely, so his idea of “makeup” is Kim Kardashian and Instagram Makeup.

I’d say I’m slightly disappointed he didn’t get more of this semi-correct, but honestly I would be even more lost if he asked me to explain his video games!


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