Today’s post is short. I’m in the process of doing a lot in terms of life things, and I simply don’t have a lot of time as of late, but I wanted to update anybody who cares on a few things.
The first little update I have is that I have dropped my hours at work. I’ve gone from full time (working three days a week, 12.5 hours a shift) to what we call Casual Part Time, working four hours every Wednesday and four-hour shifts every third Saturday and Sunday. I have the option to pick up a lot more hours and work almost full time, but I’m not obligated, which is nice for my mental health, because…
I’ve also decided to take the MCATs. I’ve spent the last two years essentially bullshitting around, feeling too scared of failure to actually apply to anything I want, but also being too scared of being away from my boyfriend to go for any jobs that will get me to where I want to be… I applied for one job position doing entry-level research, and I am 99% certain they did not even contact my references, which to me says that they had a very specific candidate in mind (read: not some girl from Montana).
I believe that this is what is best for me. At work, I have been feeling stressed and bored at the same time, creating stagnancy in most areas of my life. The stress hasn’t bee productive stress; instead, I come home, often crying and tired, and I try to unwind for a few hours until I can finally fall asleep to do it all over again. My days off are often spent traveling to visit family or trying to undo the mess of the apartment (note: I take the second law of thermodynamics very personally, I guess). There’s little time for personal development, and being stuck in a certain schedule for work has me dreading specific days. I don’t intend to pick up a full-time schedule each week, but I’d like to pick up enough that I do not need to dip into savings.
This also means that I have to re-evaluate some of my finances. I’ve made some cuts to certain beauty boxes, which you’ll notice in the next couple months, and my spending has to slow as well. I’ve never been particularly good at keeping to budgets, but I’m going to this time!
Another little thing I wanted to add in: so far, two and a half weeks into my behavior mod, I’ve been doing really well with my health goals. Next week, however, I will be going to visit my parents with Boyfriend, and I have a very hard time eating well when I’m with my family. I’m nervous that my track record + the fact that I won’t have my rewards with me to be an incentive will make it very difficult to stay on track while there. I have a few ideas (bringing a couple extra items and using those as a “continuous reinforcement schedule,” letting myself pick out new products to purchase based on the current rewards system, such as an elf product for a small reward or a new palette for a large reward, or even setting everything to a medium or large reward so I’m more motivated to reach them), but nothing has seemed to be a “holy grail” idea to me yet. I’ll keep thinking!